Book Club: Raising Kids Who Turn out Right (ch 11-15)

Whew- so I finished it in 3 weeks!  That was definitely challenging- thankfully I'm a pretty fast reader.  It was interesting how this whole section focused much more on the parents, really, than the kids.  It's important that we deal with our "stuff" too.  In fact, often, us dealing with our "stuff" has a greater impact on our kids than any special parenting technique we might try to apply.  So- here is what I gleaned from these chapters.

Chapter 11: Marriage.  As I mentioned about a month ago in my "The 2nd Best Gift" post, the quality of your marriage has an incredible impact on your kids.  From it, they learn how to interact with the opposite sex.  What kind of messages are we sending to our kids?  Just a few days ago I was talking with some friends about the silly, fun things that we all did early on in our marriages, and how a lot of that has faded since we've been married longer, had kids, etc.  In addition to many, much more serious things we need to do to invest in our marriage, I think being able to enjoy one another and be silly together- laugh together (you and your friends laughing at your spouse does NOT count), keeps a marriage alive.  It's no secret that the state of marriage in our country is a very sad situation.  There are all different reasons why marriages don't work out, and I'm not trying to say that every marriage should stay together no matter what- but sometimes, I think people don't want to put in the effort necessary to make it work, and they just abandon it.  A good marriage relationship must be cultivated and maintained, and Dr. Kimmel gave us some good ways to keep the love alive. 


Chapter 12: I've said it before and I'll say it again- "The days are long but the years are short."  It's easy to get caught up in the minutia of day-to-day living...changing diapers, doing laundry, driving kids all over creation...and miss the forest for the trees.  We need to cherish the moment.  We can choose to let all those little things consume us, or we can choose to live life out through the little things.  Sometimes it means writing a special note in someone's lunch, or reading that book for thousandth time.  So much if it is our attitude towards these things.  Do we view our children as an inconvenience to our lives, or as something that adds great value to our lives?  Even though many of us would of course say that our children are valuable, blah, blah, blah...does that really play out in our moment to moment living?  Let's cherish the moments.  I know this is easier said than done, but when you're frustrated because the kids are walking s-o s-l-o-w-l-y to the car that you could scream...don't, and instead, take a deep breath, remember what is really important, and make a game of it, or sing a song as you walk, or try something else new. (And next time- plan ahead and leave earlier so you're not late...remember it's not fair to make the kids suffer because you didn't plan well. :) Life is in the little things.


Chapter 13: It is somewhat alarming to read the story of that guy who sacrificed everything to win a race.  As Christians, we need to make sure we are keeping everything in perspective, and are not literally sacrificing our children for our own advancement in some arena.  People are our most valuable resource, and as parents, we have been given stewardship of those in our household.  What are we putting our strength and confidence into?  Of course we are to work hard, but our confidence must be in the Lord.  If we were to die tonight, what would be said in our eulogy?  How would our children describe us and remember us?  It's good for us to be aware of the legacy we are leaving.


Chapter 14: No matter what our background, we all have a opportunity to leave a great legacy to our children.  And we all have the opportunity to leave a rotten one.  It's not about what happened (or didn't happen) as we were growing up, but it's how we deal with it now.  Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and look to your deepest feelings and thoughts can bring things to the surface that need to be dealt with.  Sometimes (often) it is painful, but when we allow Christ to come in and clean us out we can move forward in our walk with God, and to a better level of living.  Without playing the blame game, it's good to examine the heritage that we received and be decisive about what aspects of that heritage we want to pass to our children, and which we want to end with us.


Chapter 15: This chapter talked more about God's ability to restore a Godly legacy in our lives- no matter what our past looks like.  


There are no perfect parents.  We all fall short.  But it's as we humble ourselves and seek God, His Holy Spirit is able to fill us up and empower us to move forward in forgiveness and greater courage to submit to His will- which is ultimately for our best- in our lives.

We all struggle with things.  We all have things that come our way that turn our world upside down.  So what will we do with them?  We have hope- but just like any gift, we have to receive it and use it for it to be of benefit to us.

I will leave you with this:

(If for some reason the video doesn't work- click this link and watch it on youtube: Fail Us Not)