Here are the highlights of what I got out of these chapters: (Disclaimer: I'm sorry these are a little lengthy, but it's a lot of material to cover!)
Chapter 6:
I never really thought of poise- at least not that word. I guess I would think more of self-control, but as he described a variety of situations, I think that poise is a really good word. Knowing the difference between poise and "putting on a face" is the tough thing. I dated a guy once who was like a chameleon- always changing who he was to fit the situation, and to the best of his advantage. I got really frustrated by this- I felt like no one knew who he really was. I think that might be the dark side of poise. So, like many things, it has to be held in balance.
I appreciated what he had to say about sexuality, too. Just this past weekend, as a matter of fact, we had a "special" weekend with our oldest daughter. The younger kids went to their grandparents and we had a fun time with her- and we also made time to have "the talk." I was so thankful that my husband was willing to be involved, and we used the book "Before I was Born" from the "God's Design for Sex" series as a place to start. It went smoothly and it will be interesting to see what questions crop up over the next few weeks and months. I'm sure I'll have to bring it up again and again to keep the lines of communication open, but I'm willing to be uncomfortable if it means that my child will feel comfortable talking to me about sex through the years. At six (almost seven) years old, it may seem too early, but we decided that we wanted to be the first ones to talk about it with her- before she hears things anywhere else.
Chapter 7:
Okay, can I just say that I felt like chapters 7-8 were written just for me. As in- they are how to parent myself. It definitely cut right to my heart. I thought what he said on p 104: "We've got to keep in mind that building discipline, like building faith, integrity, or poise, is a process. I know that no one ever "arrives" at discipline, but it's sometimes hard for me to appreciate the process, and wish for the product-in my own life as well as my children's.
I think the most valuable statement from this whole chapter (although I wish I could just put the whole chapter up here in quotes) is this: "Our job as parents is to get our children to do what they don't want to do so that they can achieve what they've wanted all their lives--freedom, confidence, commitment, love."(p.108) Wow. Now that is powerful--and true.
Chapter 8:
Again, chapter 8--the first sentence even, hit right at my heart: "The world is filled with wide-eyed, idealistic starters, but painfully lacking in determined finishers." The focus on building character as opposed to building "successful moments" (touchdowns, homeruns) is so important. I really appreciate the list at the end of each chapter full of practical ideas to implement these ideas today.
Chapter 9:
I think courage is something sadly lacking today in our culture. People think telling someone off is being courageous, but actually, quietly sharing your feelings in a controlled manner is MUCH more courageous. And being willing to step up and be the "bad guy" to your kids, for their own good, takes a lot of courage. We need to build courage into our kids so that when they are faced with that peer pressure situation, or an integrity issue, they will have the courage to stand up to it. We need to use the situations that crop up in life as a classroom to build their courage in little things, so they will have a savings account full of it when the big things come. I'm very curious to read the short story "the Children's Story....but Not Just For Children" by James Clavell now--since he recommended it in the "Ten Ways to Teach Your Children Courage" list at the end of the chapter!
Chapter 10:
Designed Dilemmas- what a great idea! As much as life itself offers opportunities for our kids to learn the character traits (if we choose to take advantage of them), offering "designed dilemmas" will make sure our kids practice the traits we want them to have in a safe environment. It's all about practicing the behavior we want them to have, rather than only correcting the behavior we don't want them to have. Of course, that is necessary too, but it must be balanced with positive behavior practice. We wouldn't learn how to play a sport or an instrument without practicing, training our bodies and minds to a new set of skills, and the same is true for behavior. Maybe even more so since we may have a God-given talent towards a sport or instrument, but we actually have an inborn bent towards behaving poorly and selfishly rather than selflessness and kindness.
I hope those of you who are reading along are enjoying the book as much as I am! What a great resource and definitely one I'm going to hang onto-especially for those practical lists at the end of each chapter. Those are great ideas! We will finish the book for next week (1-27-11) and you can go ahead and purchase: The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman, which is what we'll be reading in February.
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