So, I read this book for the first time about a year ago, and now I'm going through it again, and I cannot even believe how much it is exactly what I've been thinking and writing about lately! It is all about being intentional in your parenting! And how about that awesome appendix in the back that totally walks you through a weekend of planning for your kids! I love that idea and I can't wait to do it! I don't know that we'll actually be able to get away to do it (as lovely as that sounds), but hopefully we can still set aside some time to work on it.
You can share whatever you want (please keep it clean) below in the comments. If you are unsure as to how to leave a comment, click the tab marked "How to leave a comment" above, and there are instructions to walk you through it. I would LOVE to hear your feedback on the first five chapters. I will try to keep this brief (since I have a tendency to get long-winded, especially when I'm excited about something). Here are my top five things (one from each chapter) that I got out of the first five chapters of this book. (Okay, six- if you include what I already said above about the appendix.)
Chapter 1: I appreciate how he acknowledges that we are challenged by things that are not readily measurable. (p20). That's why so many parents fall into the trap of measuring achievement (verses memorized, grades, etc) as proof that our child is doing well and moving on in their walk with God. Measuring character is much harder.
Chapter 2:I love the real-life picture of a "blueprint" and how important it is to the end result! I also appreciate the 5 Points of Emphasis. That really gives me a good idea of where to start. (And so does that fantastic appendix--and who says we have a "built-in aversion to things called 'projects' and 'worksheets'"! I love 'em! It's the follow-through that I have a harder time with...)
Chapter 3: This was a really short chapter- but what I mostly took away from it is the choice that I have to "live with a burdened heart-- or a relaxed one" (p47) regarding the competition for my child's values. There are many wonderful things that we can (and should) do to intentionally parent, but ultimately our trust HAS to be in the Lord, and we need to allow His peace to rule in our hearts.
Chapter 4: The world (and the church) is often quick to respond to a problem with a program (ex: "Just Say No!" p.55) "But you can't say "no" until you've first said 'yes' to something that gives meaning to your existence." We have to have something bigger than ourselves to lean on when times get tough. That is where faith comes in. I love the thought (as hard as it is for me to swallow as a parent) that "Once we are prepared to die, we are free to live." (p.58) It is so true! And so freeing. As Christian parents it is so tempting to just want to get our kids saved, so whew, at least they're going to heaven. With that mindset, we may push and prod for them to "pray the prayer," and they may end up doing it to please us, rather than to pursue a relationship with God. I was challenged by Tim and Darcy's commitment to pray for their children's salvation, but not to prod them into it. I believe two of my children have already accepted Christ as their savior, and I now pray that the Holy Spirit will draw the third, and that all three of them will know the voice of the Lord when he speaks to them, and that they will be quick to obey.
The example of Tim talking with his daughter about her doubts was an excellent lesson for all of us, I think. We don't need to be afraid of our kids' questions. Even if we don't know the answers, God does, and we can direct them to Him. He is big enough to take care of the questions.
Chapter 5: The whole example of King David's "slow fade" into sin is one of my favorite on the subject. I have used it numerous times as a picture to share with people and to address things in my own life. Integrity is something that I feel really strongly about. Jon and I have committed to never lying to our children. I mean about anything. That may sound like a no-brainer, but it's actually much harder than you think. I may ruffle some feathers here, and everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion, but for us, that includes Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. A nice lie is still a lie. I tell my kids that I love their drawings, but I never tell them they are the best flower-drawer in the world. It is possible to word things truthfully, yet still be kind. We "speak the truth in love." We also word things age-appropriately, and there have been times when I've told my kids that I don't feel that they are old enough to know about something yet. Sometimes those things are MUCH harder to say than a little "white" lie, but I want to truly be able to tell my kids that I will never lie to them. I want them to be able to trust me in the little things, so they will be able to trust me in the big things.
I often have to dispose of my daughter's various artwork and papers, and I do try to do it while she's at school so it's not as crushing to her. Most of the time she doesn't even remember things, but every so often she does. One time, she specifically said "Where is my (whatever...I don't remember what it was, but I knew I had thrown it away)? I said "I don't know." And in my head I was justifying myself, like, "well, I don't really know exactly where it is- it could have been dumped at the dump or incinerated or something by now." But in my heart, I knew I had lied to her. So, I had to go back, apologize, tell her I was wrong, and ask forgiveness. And then deal with the uncomfortable truth that I had thrown it away. It was tough, but I know it was the right thing to do, and I think she trusts me more because of it. Just for the record, let me share with you all that we proudly display TONS of her artwork and schoolwork, keep it in scrapbooks, even photograph it sometimes if it's something we need to get rid of. So don't worry that her self esteem regarding how we like her work is suffering. She's just very prolific in what she creates, and she's also a packrat. Lately I've tried to include her in the purging, explaining we can't have a "stuff house" (someday I'll show her an episode or two of "Hoarders") and that she can choose one thing to keep. She has a treasure bin as well as a scrapbook that she may fill up with whatever she wants, but when it's full, she can't add anything else until she gets rid of something.
We don't always get it right. We try to live lives of integrity in front of our kids...and often it is MUCH more work than letting things slide. But how can I expect my kids to live lives of integrity and be truthful if I'm not?
I love the list of ways to teach your kids integrity at the end of the chapter! It's great how each chapter has very practical ways to apply what has been discussed.
Sooo...what are your thoughts on the first five chapters?
(Next week will be chapters 6-10)
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