Parenting Tip: Build a relationship.

     It is my plan to include practical parenting tips on here on a regular basis.  We all need help with parenting and we all have something to offer, so I invite you to read and respond via "comments."  To comment, just click the "0 Comments" link and it will take you through the (easy) steps to comment.  As I've said, I really want to get an ongoing conversation of parents here, so PLEASE respond!  (If anyone has commented, then it might say "1 Comment" and so on.)

So, what's the parenting tip for today?  Here it is: Build a relationship.

     I've heard it said many times at various parenting seminars, on radio broadcasts and in books, but I think Josh McDowell was the first to coin this catchy little phrase: "rules without relationship = rebellion."  Perhaps some of us think it is inevitable that our children will rebel, but I don't think that has to be the case.  Of course there will be times in their life when they become more independent and may test boundaries and so on.  But if they feel connected to us through relationship, we will have more influence on their lives.

     If we look at how God parents us, we can see a model for building relationship.  God gives us rules, yes, but He doesn't leave us there to follow them on our own, getting frustrated and angry.  First of all, we need to realize that everything God tells us to do is for our good.  (Just like we tell our kids to go to bed, stay out of the street, don't eat too much candy, etc.  It is for their good!)  But He wants an intimate relationship with us.  He wants us to come to him and tell him about our day, share our sorrows, share our joys.  He wants to comfort us, rejoice with us, and know us.

     Now, since He created us, He does know us--better than we know ourselves.  Regarding our own children, we have to try a little harder.  This is where relationship-building comes in.  Let's examine ourselves- do we mostly speak to our children to correct them?  To redirect them?  To discipline them?  Let's take time to talk with them with no agenda.  Take time to do things with them that are what THEY want to do.  I am so guilty of only spending time with my kids on my terms.  Sometimes the things that they want me to do (crawling around on the floor, playing dress-up, playing Candyland--can I just tell you how much I hate that game?!) are not the things that I want to do.  But if I'm truly serving my kids and interested in knowing them, I need to bend to them sometimes and do the things that they want to do.

     One special way that I have been able to connect with Naomi (my 6-year old) lately is through lunch notes.  In her lunch I put a little notebook and a pen in the front pocket.  Each day I write her a little lunch note, and often, she writes back.  These little notes are not deep or earth-shattering, but I do feel a special connection with her through these notes.  I'm hoping that as she gets older this can evolve into a journal that we pass back and forth.  Sometimes it's easier to talk about things in writing than it is in person.  And the written word can very special and personal.  I plan to save all these notebooks and journals.

So my encouragement today for all of us parents is to look for creative ways to get to KNOW our kids!

What is one way you build your relationship with your children?