Well, here we are on our first discussion of our new monthly theme book: The Five Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. Since we're getting started on time this month it hopefully won't be such a frantic time trying to keep up with the reading. :) Oh- was that only me? Anyway, here's what I gleaned from the first three chapters:
Chapter 1: Love is the Foundation
Since I have already read "The Five Love Languages," this chapter was kind of a refresher for me. The authors share the importance of unconditional love, as well as the idea of the "love tank" that we each have. The idea behind the five love languages is that we each give and receive love in different ways, and in order to most effectively fill the "love tank" of your children, you need to love them in a way that they recognize...thus, what "love" language they speak. We may feel like we're expressing love, but they may not be perceiving it if their primary love language is different than ours. This was a revolutionary idea to me when I read the first book. It has proven to be very helpful in my life- especially when I have been trying to really make sure that someone who is hurting is feeling loved by me. I try to "analyze" what their love language is, and then do what I can to speak it.
Chapter 2: Love Language #1 Physical Touch
I believe that I have a child whose primary love language is Physical Touch, so it was especially interesting to read about how that played out in other families lives. I'm sure that it's easier to be cuddly with kids while they are little, and I know I'll need to be intentional about this as she gets older. And it definitely helps me understand why, when we sit next to each other at the dinner table, she pulls her chair over RIGHT next to mine...so close that the chairs are touching and I keep bonking her with my elbow. Slightly irritating for me, but also endearing, and worth it, if it helps her feel loved.
Chapter 3: Love Language #2, Words of Affirmation
This is my primary love language, and just like reading a personality test results, it's always interesting to have yourself analyzed. I think the distinction between words of praise, affection and endearment, encouragement, and guidance was really important. We do need to be careful to not hook our "I love you" words to performance or behavior. Again, this takes us back to the unconditional love. When we do give compliments, we need to be specific. To share an example from my own life, and I've told this story many times, so some of you are bound to have heard it already so bear with me...and I would like to point out that this was within my adult life. I was helping my parents do some painting at their house and my mom came in after awhile and said "Wow, you are really good at painting trim!" I think she was a little impressed, and I (who had not previously been aware of this talent) was really pleased. You can tell by how this has stuck with me! And of course, a compliment like that makes you want to be that much better at painting trim, so you are extra careful to do a good job- so it acts as a compliment and an encouragement. I know it's kind of a silly example, but I think it illustrates the point. If she had said "You are a good girl!" (Again, a silly example, but..) then if I were a child, I might associate her general approval, and my "goodness" was related to how well I painted trim--or performed on some other level.
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