Saying "Adieu"...a transition

I can hardly believe it's been over 3 months already since I started this blog...and now it is time already to bid "adieu." Let me explain...

There are several reasons for this, but basically it comes down to this...I can't keep up with two blogs.  I have my personal/family blog:
Caribou Castle, and I thought it would be nice to have one that just focused on parenting, but I've decided I can't keep up with both.

Anyway...since I am passionate about parenting, and that hasn't changed, I'm going to be including more parenting stuff on my other blog, and putting this one to rest.  I think most of my readers here find this through facebook anyway, so you'll be able to see my other posts as well.  I appreciate all the comments, particularly on facebook, and hope that you'll continue to give me feedback.  I love to hear all of your ideas and what has worked with your family.  


So, after today, you'll have to find me over at Caribou Castle...hope to see you there!  (One disclaimer: you will be inundated with more pictures of my adorable kids...hope that's okay!)

Love Letter

As I mentioned before, I would encourage you to write a love letter to each of your children.  After all, if we are trying to imitate the perfect parent, we need to consider what He did for us, his children.  He wrote us the greatest love letter of all time.

Do we see it that way?


Or do we see it as a book of stories and rules.

He loves us.  Oh!  How He loves us!

He knew us before we were born-- before we were even conceived. And He has plans for us beyond whatever we could imagine.  We need to read His letter to us through the lens of his incredible, unfathomable love for us.  And share with our children, His love for them.

Connect with the Heart of Your Child: Something in Writing

When I wrote about Valentine's Day, I mentioned writing love letters to our kids, and that is just one example of connecting with the heart of our kids through writing. For some kids, it's challenging for them communicate face-to-face.  Writing can help solve this issue.  Growing up, my mother and sister communicated a lot via post-it notes.  Mom has saved many of them in her diary.  I've also heard the idea of sharing a journal-- that gets passed back and forth between parent and child.  Sometimes it's easier to communicate when you can get all your thoughts out without being interrupted, and when you're not emotionally charged.  It could also be an amazing memory-saver for years to come.

Book Club: The Five Love Languages of Children (ch 4-6)

Here's what I got out of this week's reading:

Chapter 4: Quality Time
Quality time is a big one around our home, and in my opinion- for all people, whether or not it is their primary love language.  I think the point here is "focused attention."  It's interesting that in each chapter he uses examples of asking kids how they know their parents love them...their responses are so telling of their love languages!  I should ask my kids...(or have someone else do it.)  Quality time with each child individually is the best way to get to know them, and for them to know you know them.  It is much less important what you do for quality time than that you just do it.

Chapter 5: Gifts
Gifts is probably last on my personal love language list.  Not that I don't like getting gifts, but it doesn't really help me to feel loved, necessarily.  In fact, I'd probably rather shop for myself. :)  I honestly can't even remember the last time my husband and I exchanged gifts on any occasion- thankfully gifts is last on his list too. :)  It seems like gift-giving could very easily be used as manipulation, rather than truly meeting our child's love-tank needs.  The authors suggest the importance of making sure that you are expressing love in all of the other areas, too, so the gifts are more meaningful.  It also seems important to note that the gifts don't necessarily have to be purchased, just thoughtful.  I suspect that my oldest daughter has gifts in her top 3, and she is ALWAYS making things for people.

Chapter 6: Acts of Service
This is often one of the top love languages for women, but it's not really for me- and interestingly, it is one of my husband's top three.  Like gifts, this seems like one that is ripe for manipulation.  We've all heard the stereotypical mom saying "After all I've done for you, this is the way you treat me!" Gag.  Real service does so without any expectation of return.  I appreciate their mention of the importance of  modeling service to the community and serving with your kids.  I struggle with this, but I know it is SO important.

Valentine's Day

I cannot believe how Valentine's Day has sneaked up on me!  It's Monday...MONDAY!  Which makes this weekend the weekend to celebrate it!  I'm totally supportive of connecting with your spouse for Valentine's Day, but what a great opportunity to connect with your whole family, right?!

To learn about the real St. Valentine and what he was all about, you might consider listening to the Adventures in Odyssey episode number 562: The Last (on the album 44: Eugene Returns).  You can download it here.

What does your family do to celebrate Valentine's Day?


We typically just have fondue for a special dinner, but this year I'd like to ramp it up a little bit.  I'm thinking that it would be really great for us to write love letters to all the members of our family.  I heard a Focus on the Family broadcast awhile back with the authors of the book "Letters from Dad" and the point of it was how important it is to give our kids (and our spouse!) something in writing that expresses how we feel about them.

What new thing could you try this year?

Connect with the Heart of Your Child: the Ungame

Apparently it was a hit in the '70s, and I've been intrigued by it.  What is it?  Well, it's the UnGame!  (I feel like there should be some sort of cheesy echo after I say that...like "Spatula City"...anyone know that movie reference?)  Anyway, there are several different versions of the Ungame, and I own two of them...hoping to get more.  I have the "all ages" edition and also the "Christian" edition.  Basically, the ungame is a conversation starter.  It's a way to get connected, learn new things about each other...shut up those of us (ahem) who talk to much, and give opportunity to those who don't talk enough.  I've played it with a couple different groups now, and it has been fun and enlightening.    I will say, though, that this would probably be good for kids 5 and older-- I think even the kids version is suggested for kids over 5.  Just another tool that might help you connect with the heart of your child.

Book Club: The Five Love Languages of Children (ch 1-3)

Well, here we are on our first discussion of our new monthly theme book: The Five Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell.  Since we're getting started on time this month it hopefully won't be such a frantic time trying to keep up with the reading. :)  Oh- was that only me?  Anyway, here's what I gleaned from the first three chapters:

Chapter 1: Love is the Foundation
Since I have already read "The Five Love Languages,"  this chapter was kind of a refresher for me.  The authors share the importance of unconditional love, as well as the idea of the "love tank" that we each have.  The idea behind the five love languages is that we each give and receive love in different ways, and in order to most effectively fill the "love tank" of your children, you need to love them in a way that they recognize...thus, what "love" language they speak.  We may feel like we're expressing love, but they may not be perceiving it if their primary love language is different than ours.  This was a revolutionary idea to me when I read the first book.  It has proven to be very helpful in my life- especially when I have been trying to really make sure that someone who is hurting is feeling loved by me.  I try to "analyze" what their love language is, and then do what I can to speak it.

Chapter 2: Love Language #1 Physical Touch
I believe that I have a child whose primary love language is Physical Touch, so it was especially interesting to read about how that played out in other families lives.  I'm sure that it's easier to be cuddly with kids while they are little, and I know I'll need to be intentional about this as she gets older.   And it definitely helps me understand why, when we sit next to each other at the dinner table, she pulls her chair over RIGHT next to mine...so close that the chairs are touching and I keep bonking her with my elbow.  Slightly irritating for me, but also endearing, and worth it, if it helps her feel loved.

Chapter 3: Love Language #2, Words of Affirmation
This is my primary love language, and just like reading a personality test results, it's always interesting to have yourself analyzed.  I think the distinction between words of praise, affection and endearment, encouragement, and guidance was really important.  We do need to be careful to not hook our "I love you" words to performance or behavior.  Again, this takes us back to the unconditional love.  When we do give compliments, we need to be specific.  To share an example from my own life, and I've told this story many times, so some of you are bound to have heard it already so bear with me...and I would like to point out that this was within my adult life.  I was helping my parents do some painting at their house and my mom came in after awhile and said "Wow, you are really good at painting trim!"  I think she was a little impressed, and I (who had not previously been aware of this talent) was really pleased.  You can tell by how this has stuck with me!  And of course, a compliment like that makes you want to be that much better at painting trim, so you are extra careful to do a good job- so it acts as a compliment and an encouragement.  I know it's kind of a silly example, but I think it illustrates the point.  If she had said "You are a good girl!" (Again, a silly example, but..) then if I were a child, I might associate her general approval, and my "goodness" was related to how well I painted trim--or performed on some other level.

Connect with the Heart of Your Child: Playing

I think I've mentioned this before, but I know I need to hear it over and over, so I suspect I'm not the only one.  One way we can really connect with the heart of our child and get to know them better is to play with them how they want to play.  What do they love?  Maybe your son wants you to build legos with him...maybe your daughter loves to do crafts.  So turn off your cell, log out of facebook,  and invest a little time into your kid doing what they want to do.

It will be time well spent.

That brings me to a little insight I had recently.  We all know time is a medium- like money.  It is amoral, and it can be used in many different ways.  When we talk about "spending" time- I think that's not quite accurate when it comes to our kids.

We spend our time watching TV, chatting on the phone, and constant facebooking.  We are truly investing our time in them- because we will reap a benefit later on.  It's not just about the short term goal of enjoying a few minutes together...it's about the long term goal of developing and building a relationship with them.  Just like building your savings account or portfolio, it's not about the big chunks you put in-- it's the small, slow & steady investing over time that will create the best return.

All You Need is Love...

Somebody famous once sang that...but anyway, it's true...although probably not in all the same ways the Beatles meant it.  We're entering a new month, which of course means a new monthly character theme focus, new verse to go with it, and new Book Club book.  So, here it is:

February Book Club Book:
  The Five Love Languages of Children
(we'll be covering chapters 1-3 on Thursday)

Monthly character theme: Love 

Monthly theme verse:

     Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

I love those verses- they're so freeing, and they fly in the face of anyone who claims Christianity is just a list of rules.  Love sums it all up.  As we grow in our love for God, we learn from He who is Love shows us how to truly love.