The Best Gift

Here is what you have been waiting for: The Best Gift you can give your children.  And it is, of course, Jesus Christ.

The tricky part is- this is not something that is as easy to do.  We can't force our kids to love Jesus, or to accept Him as their savior.

This is not about being the perfect, Christlike parent who never makes mistakes.  We are all sinners- saved by grace (if we have accepted Him as our savior and asked for forgiveness) and we are going to make mistakes- right in front of our children.  They need to see our lives as we walk authentically with God, in front of them.  And they need to see us acknowledge our own need for a savior.  When we do make mistakes, when we do sin, they need to see us repent, ask forgiveness, and then move forward in the joy of forgiveness, not living under condemnation or guilt.  This type of authentic modeling of the Christian walk, and of our active, living relationship (not religion or rule-following) with God will speak volumes to our kids.  We cannot give what we do not have, and so, the best way to pass on our faith to our children- to "overflow" into their lives, is to be first filled up ourselves.


Of course it's important to have family nights, family devotions, go to church together, etc.  But those things will ring hollow with religiosity unless our kids see us living them out in our own lives.   


We can use every opportunity- sibling fights, honors they have received, honors for which they were passed over, birthday parties they weren't invited to, successes, failures, joys and disappointments- to point them to Christ and Him at work in their life.  Likewise, we need to use (and model for our children) letting all of those things in our own lives point us to Christ.


Above all, we need to pray, pray, and pray some more.  The Holy Spirit is the only one who can draw our children's hearts to Himself.  We can set a good example and "do" all the right things, but only He can truly reach their spirit.  The power packed into consistent prayer for our children is more than we realize.

As we enter into 2011, take time to prayerfully reflect on your parenting, the model you are presenting to your children and your own relationship with Christ.  In what areas have you done well in 2010?  In what areas would you like to grow further in 2011?

The Second Best Gift

Drumroll...the second best gift you can give your children is: A good marriage and a stable family life.

How can we do this?

Just like we talked about intentional parenting, now we need to consider intentional marriage-ing.  Investing in our marriages.

One of my goals for the new year is to make that weekly date-night a priority.  We get date nights- just not weekly, but I think that set-aside time, even if we're not going fancy places or spending a lot of money, is invaluable.  It's easier in the summer, I think....my husband and I have found that sitting together around a fire in our fire pit after the kids have gone to bed is a great connecting time for us.  Just sitting...away from texting and facebook and TV...chatting and enjoying each other's company.  It helps that my husband is a teacher, so he is less busy in the summer.  So how do we bring that special time into the school year?  We're working on it.  I think the point is to make this a priority.

Another thing that is helpful to us is having a regular, early bedtime for our children, so we have some time each evening to reconnect.  We also try to get away for a weekend, just the two of us, at least once or twice a year.  Hopefully eventually it can be more frequently and maybe for longer, but while our kids are young, I think we do well to get a weekend once or twice a year. :)

On a daily basis, investing in a kiss that is more than a peck each morning, taking time to laugh together, plan together, help each other, and looking for ways to bless each other in the little things.

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, 
   and those who love it will eat its fruit.

We need to take this verse very seriously. (This also applies to our children!)  How do we speak to (and about) our spouse?  Are we sarcastic and cutting?  Are we rude and angry?  We need to avoid this kind of talk and make a point to speak in a life-giving way to our spouse.  Not just "you're doing a great job" but just speaking kindly to them as we go about our day, saying "please" and "thank you."  Not only will this benefit our relationship, but it sets an example to our children of how to interact with each other, and eventually, in their own marriage.  

Investing in your marriage is the second best gift you can give your kids.  How do you invest in your marr

The Third Best Gift

It is so fun to watch your kids open presents.  Honestly, I like that better than getting presents myself (not that I don't like getting presents, but you know what I mean).  Buying them things that I know they'll love and waiting for that reaction of delight.  Imagine how much more God loves to give us things that He knows we'll love!  But sometimes, just like the tantrums that sometimes erupt from the over-stimulation of gift-opening on Christmas morning (I can't tell you how tempted I've been to do the 12-days of Christmas idea to stretch out the gift-opening!  If we didn't travel so much this time of year, I probably would do it!) we can't always handle what we THINK we can handle in terms of gifts.  It's an interesting thought...and an encouragement to be faithful in little, and thankful for what we do have.  

Anyway, I was pondering what the BEST gift you could give your kids is...and I've come up with what I believe to be the top three...which we'll stretch out over the next couple days to keep you coming back. :)

James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.


Soooooo, here it is: The Third Best Gift you can give your kids: Intentional Parenting.  While many of us took planning, time and effort to become parents, others of us kind of fell into it.  Either way, getting through the "baby" months, as challenging as they can be, is only the beginning.  We have, roughly 18 years, a relatively small amount of time to invest in the lives of our children, to guide them and coach them into the adults they will be and impress upon them the things that will ultimately affect many other people.  The movie "It's a Wonderful Life" (which, if you haven't seen it, stop reading this blog and go watch it) is a good reminder to how many lives one life can touch- for better or for worse.

Someone spoke wisely once to say "the days are long but the years are short" when it comes to raising our children.  It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day needs of our family...laundry, food, homework, dance lessons, soccer,  more food, more laundry, and (man am I making good use of cliches today) miss the forest for the trees.  But we need to begin with the end in mind.  What kind of people do we ultimately want our children to be, and what are we doing now to train them in that way?  I'm really excited about some of the things we'll talk about in January related to goal-setting for your family and your kids...so make sure you check back then!

Tradition!

Tradition! In my family, this word is always sung to the tune of "Tradition!" from the musical "Fiddler on the Roof."  Traditions are indeed important.  I've read many articles from family experts who tout the importance of traditions for helping children to feel a sense of belonging and identity.  So how do we do it?  I believe it is part intentional and part accidental.  Some more experienced parents I've talked with have said that often, the kids come up with the traditions.  What we did once as a family becomes something "we ALWAYS do...(fill in the blank)."  And that's how it starts.  Some of the more intentional traditions may come as something you hear about and decide to try, or things that may help meet family goals.  Family goals...hmmm...more on that coming soon.  

One intentional tradition that our family has started doing at Christmastime is driving around and looking at lights.  It does not have a great deal of significance other than nice family time.  We do have several traditions, although I had hoped to add some more this year...unfortunately the Christmas season got away from me and we weren't able to do all that I had hoped.  But that's okay...rather than stressing ourselves out on our days off to check off things on the "traditions" list, we were able to spend some good quality down time together, that I believe was more valuable.  

What traditions does your family have, and how do you balance doing traditions with enjoying "down time?"

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

The True Story of Rudolph

A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night.

His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bob's wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob.

Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he'd rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938.

Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined to make one - a storybook! Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day. But the story doesn't end there. 

The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print,_ Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer_ and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book.

In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter. But the story doesn't end there either. 

Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore , it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry.  "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas." 

The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing. 

What God wants for Christmas

I'm always on the lookout for good parenting tools, and today I'm going to focus on one that we've used for a few years now: What God Wants for Christmas.  This little package contains a fold-out manger scene, seven gift boxes, and a book.  The book is a storybook, but it also contains information for parents to guide them through using this product.  I believe it is meant to be used (at least this is how we use it!) every night for the last week before Christmas.  Each night we read the next section of the book, open the next gift, and work to complete the manger scene.  In some ways it would be nice if the little scene just sat quietly up on the shelf, but my kids LOVE to play with it!  Thankfully the characters for the scene are well-made and I have yet to have one break.  (They are plastic).  Ultimately, the gifts lead us to a realization of the Gospel message.  I won't spoil it for you and tell you what is in the 7th box, but now, even though my kids know what's coming, they still love it and look forward to it each year, and especially each day we are doing it.  Naomi keeps asking me if it's time to start it yet!  The book is really helpful in giving parents guidance as to leading a child to Christ, and the whole project is a lot of fun- and a lot of anticipation and patience on the side of the kids, which is always a good thing. :)  I would highly recommend this product- if you do a "family" gift, this would be a perfect choice! 

Generosity-caught not taught

In Luke 15:11-32, Jesus tells the parable of the prodigal son.  In fall 2009, our church studied the book "The Prodigal God" by Tim Keller, which focused on this parable.  The title of the book was a little surprising to me until I read about another meaning of the word "prodigal," which means "to lavishly spend it all."  Wow.  Just like the father in the story, our Heavenly Father spent it all, lavishly, on us.

As you may have noticed, generosity is our monthly character trait that we are focusing on.  Each month I'll be sharing ideas of how to promote these character traits with our children.  Generosity is one of those that you just can't force.  You can force your kid to give someone else the toy, or the last cookie, but doesn't necessarily mean that he/she is being generous from the heart.  So how do you get there?

My father is probably the most generous person that I know.  Growing up, we certainly had our needs (and many wants) provided for- if my father could do it for us, he did it.  But I don't think (easy for me to say!) that we were spoiled.  Somehow, the nature of generosity got passed to us.  Not only was he generous with us, but he was generous with many others.  We opened our home to some young people who needed a place to stay- one girl ended up living with us for several years, a few different times, and my dad eventually walked her down the aisle at her wedding...in place of her birth father, who had not been a good one.  I know (although I think I wasn't supposed to know) that he paid for a whole bunch of dental work for someone, paid off someone else's school debt (they never knew who did it), took (and paid for) a friends' family on vacation, helped me and my husband out numerous times financially...and those are just the ones I know about.  He has always had a heart for the struggling kid...always hiring teens and college-age kids who need some money to come out and do yardwork.  And he always used those working times to help mentor them, and get them on the right path.  Although my dad had a good career, we were never wealthy (by US standards) so my dad didn't give out of his overabundance...but he gave what he had.  I don't know that I'm as generous as he, but I hope to be.  And I hope to pass that legacy of generosity onto my own children.  I truly believe that generosity is caught, not taught.

Generosity can look different ways, too....not only with money.  Time is a currency...in many ways more valuable even than money.  We could sacrifice time, convenience, comfort-level, or that last piece of chocolate cake, just to be generous.

Start with your own family.  Are you stingy with your time?  Don't be a Scrooge. :) Give your kids or your spouse some undivided attention.  Make that extra-special dinner that takes so much more work, but you know they love it.  My mother was particularly good at this kind of generosity.  She did so much for us that I never realized until I was much older.  I know sometimes when I've done something nice, or generous for someone (usually in my family) I feel the need to point it out to them.  But those things are usually best when done humbly and secretly.

God, the perfect parent, modeled perfect generosity as he sent Jesus to us.  Let's learn from His modeling, and share that generosity with our own kids.  Let's be generous with ALL our resources- they're really all His anyway.  We heard such amazing testimonies from the Outflow experiments of practical ways to share God's love...let's not stop now!  Keep being filled, and filling others.

How do you practice generosity?  Who has been generous with you?

Jolly Old Saint Nicholas

So, what do your kids know about the REAL St. Nick?  If you read up on this fellow, it's a neat way to share the history of the legend of Santa Claus with your kids (if you're ready to go there).  We have this book that is a nice retelling of the story and shows St. Nicholas' true generosity and love for Christ and others. (Don't forget generosity is our monthly character trait!)

Nativity Drama

Just a reminder that this weekend (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) Three Springs will be performing an AMAZING Nativity drama each night at 6:00, 7:00, and 8:00.  It is not to be missed!  Make a family night of it and enjoy this moving performance!  Dress warmly since it is mostly outdoors. There will even be cookies and hot chocolate afterwards!

Jesse Tree Advent Celebration

I know we're already well into the Advent season, but I found a great FREE resource that I wanted to share with you.  If you go to this website: A Holy Experience, you can read about: A Jesus Advent Celebration: A Jesse Tree Journey.  You can download it here.  What a great way to share a more spiritual side of this season with your children!  It gives wonderful daily scripture readings along with discussion starters, prayer suggestions, and "action items" It also comes with printable paper ornaments to put on your "Jesse Tree" each day- perfect for your kids!  It also presents the gospel message, which is the whole point of Jesus coming to earth in the first place!  Take advantage of this free resource!

Test Podcast

VK News

Just wanted to remind you of a few things...the new Vineyard Kids News page is up!

Also- check out the Vineyard Kids Calendar for some family fun ideas and you'll also see that this weekend (today!) is Dickens of a Christmas in Wellsboro!  Be sure to dress warmly and come out to support local vendors and have a good Christmas-y time!

Don't forget that next weekend is Three Springs Ministry's Nativity Production which is HIGHLY worth seeing!  Our church is partnering with First Presbyterian Church of Wellsboro as well as Three Springs Ministries and will be taking a bus (or two!) out to the program.  If you're interested, the bus will be leaving the church at 5:00, so be there and again, dress warmly!  Feel free to invite some friends who maybe wouldn't normally be able to get out to something like this!  And best of all, it's free!

Book Club!

I want to invite all of you to join me for an online book club!  We will be starting in January since I wanted to give everyone time to get the book. I'm hoping each month to read a different parenting book.  As an opener to the parenting homegroup that I believe will be happening this spring, the first book we're going to go through is Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right, by Tim Kimmel.

The parenting homegroup will be going through the book and DVD series "Grace-Based Parenting," also by Tim Kimmel.  I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Kimmel speak at the MOPS Convention in 2009, and his scriptural, practical advice for raising children was so refreshing and helpful.  So, get Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right, and join me for discussion here on the blog in January!

Monthly Theme: Generosity

Can you believe it's December already?  Wow- time flies. :)  How appropriate that it snowed!  I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and now we are smack dab in the middle of the "holidays."  Hopefully everyone you are all making progress on your various lists!

Now that we are in a new month, that means it's time to focus on a new character word. This month's theme is: Generosity.  At a time of year when everyone (kids especially) can have a tendency to get greedy, if we focus on being generous, it takes the focus off of ourselves.

Acts 20:25 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

I think as parents we know this to be true as we think about, plan, and prepare what gifts we will give our children.  I know for me this is the reason I tend to over-give gifts to them-- it is so delightful to see them delighted!  

With toddlers and preschoolers it can be overwhelming to them to receive a ton of gifts, and then you get into the whole "Okay, we don't have time to play with that now, it's time to open more gifts!" situation, which is kind of ridiculous!  I know some people with young kids who spread out the gift-opening throughout the day, or even over several days.  Some people choose to do it in a "12-days of Christmas" scenario.  But I digress...

Even a two-year-old can be taken to the dollar store to buy gifts for family and friends, and it is SO fun for them!  Or better yet, make a plan with your children to make gifts for family and friends.  Involving them in the process helps them to understand the idea of giving, as well as the idea of getting, and being thankful. 

How do you grow generosity in your kids?

PS: Just in case anyone is wondering about the giveaway from last week- no one commented, so the giveaway, sadly, went by the wayside.  Hopefully we'll get some more conversation going here and next time we have a giveaway someone will be able to benefit from it! :)